(Q) There are ka-zillions of “how to” books out there regarding relationships written by psychologists, spiritual teachers and others. What are your beliefs or what are you saying that is different from all of them?(A) As you say, there are lots of books out there, many of them by therapists types, but not exclusively so. I have to admit, I’m not familiar with a lot of these books. Another thing is that for the last many years, I have not looked to those type books for guidance in the area of love. I am sure there are some good ones out there. I have simply found most of what I needed in other kinds of books, or in other arenas.
In responding directly to your question I have to say I’m not sure that my beliefs or what I have to say is unique or original or has not been said by many others before me. I'm pretty certain nothing I say here will be entirely new.
This however, is what I know: Most traditional psychoanalytic approaches to healing are based on the medical model. In other words, they begin with the premise that something is wrong or that something is broken and that the solution involves correcting what is wrong or fixing what is broken. More recently some spiritual schools of psychological thought have emerged. Some of these simply add spiritual, flowery and/or new agey sounding rhetoric to what is essentially again, the medical model-- there is something essentially wrong with you and/or you need to be fixed.
My jumping off point is very different from this. I believe you and each of us is wonderfully, beautifully made. I believe we were born from perfection and that we will die in a state of perfection whether that is personally known or accepted. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing that needs to be fixed. I believe someone who counsels from a place of “something is wrong with you” will tell you very different things from someone who counsels from a place of “you are wonderfully, beautifully made.”
Traditional therapists and some new age ones also, will see you as a glass that is half empty. Or they will see you as a glass that is half full, depending on their training. If I see you as anything, I see you as a caterpillar that is potentially about to undergo a magnificent metamorphosis. When that shift occurs is unimportant. And if it never occurs then you will still be fully something magical and beautiful, not half of anything. You will live your days as a full caterpillar and will make the best of that experience and reality that you can. So for some, my words are designed to inspire a comfort with caterpillar reality and consciousness and making that the best it can be for them. For others they may serve as the inspiration to believe in their ability to transform. For others still, they may encourage waking up to the new transformed self. For others my words may be the inspirational equivalent of “now take flight you amazing creature.” And finally, there may be some, where my words may bring about the realization that you are in fact my teacher who may inspire me to do any of those things or more. Traditional psychotherapy does not allow for that possibility very easily. Nor do traditional teacher/student paradigms.They do not readily allow for the possibility that the “patient” or "student" may be the one who is the true healer of the two participating in the transformation process. I allow for both. In fact I encourage that consciousness and awareness.
A very amazing teacher once said "physician heal thyself." What was left unsaid--and that particular amazing teacher seems to have often left things unsaid---which is a whole class of teaching unto itself---still, what he left unsaid was--and if you cannot heal yourself look to your patient. For surely your patient will be able to assist you.
No comments:
Post a Comment