Suicide is not an option for me. Destructive addictions and over
indulgent behaviors that many other people use as escapes and crutches
are not options for me. Self pity is not an option for me. Depression,
depressive episodes, high anxiety and anxious episodes are no longer
options for me. Emotional, psychological and spiritual drama, chaos and
disassociate states are no longer options for me. Blaming others,
projecting onto others, creating false stories about myself and others
are no longer options for me. Denial is not an option for me. Anger and
fear and angry acting out are options but they run their courses very
quickly for me these days because I know they are ultimately hollow
straw men. I simply know too much and have progressed too far in this
life both spiritually and psychologically to pretend any of these things
are truly valid options for me anymore. That admission is not some negative nor trickster aspect of the ego expressing itself there. I know this. Unlike so many people, when I
go through a Dark Night of the Soul or even plain ole difficult times, I
have to completely, truly go through it. I do not have a choice. I do
not have the luxury of any of those other options. All of those
other options have been completely and totally unmasked and revealed for
me and so I fully recognize them as the absolute illusions they truly
are...
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