My Personal Black History in the Land of the Free Part IV

I believe I specifically chose to come into this body, into this world, onto this planet before I was even conceived. I believe I chose my parents, the country I would be born in and many of the other elements that have been a part of what can collectively be referred to as "my life." I believe I had a primary wounding I came to heal. I believe that wounding is the energy around the perceptual duality of worthiness/worthlessness.

I chose to do this all, this healing, through one specific form in the universe. We call this form the earth born Human Being. I believe I had a loosely built script, as it were, I came here with, that I selected before being born. I believe this script selection also took place before conception. I chose this script because I believed it would be a good script for me to follow in order to highly ensure the highest relative probability that I would in fact heal, at least to some extent, the energy around the worthiness/worthlessness duality that is a part of my primary inner purpose for being alive.

My purpose here on planet earth, like everyone else, is to awaken. I choose to awaken through addressing the worthiness/worthlessness perceptual duality in human form on planet earth. I must have understood that bringing any amount of healing to the worthiness/worthlessness perceived paradigm would bring an appreciable amount of healing not only to the Human form I had chosen but also to the world as well. Addressing the worthiness/worthlessness perceptual duality is not the only tool I have chosen to use to awaken in this lifetime.

I believe I made some excellent choices, given what my assignment was. I chose to be a black person, specifically a black male in America, being born at a time when this is a choice that almost always brings a high degree of specific pain and potential suffering with it. It almost always inevitably brings with it a deep questioning of worthiness at this time.

I chose to be a same gender loving person in America, being born at a time when this is a choice that almost always brings a high degree of specific pain and potential suffering with it. It almost always inevitably brings with it a deep questioning of worthiness at this time.

I chose to be born into a biological family that highly honored the Sacred Feminine and did not highly honor The Sacred Masculine.

I chose to be born in a southern state in The United States of America.

The script did not contain just challenging aspects. I chose some exceedingly beneficial attributes as well. I chose to come into a biological family where I would have a loving, dedicated mentor in the form of a maternal grandfather who would guide me lovingly and tenaciously through many of the formative life challenges I would face. I chose to have above average intelligence. I chose to have superior deductive reasoning skills. I chose to have superior intuitive skills particularly with regard to accurately perceiving the particular types of "false self" masks that many around me would wear. I chose to have a naturally big heart and a naturally open mind, etc.

I do not believe in fate. I do not believe in pre-destination.

I do believe in choice. I do believe in a life script that gives one the basic outline for potentially healing something fundamental while in the form of a Human Being. The rest is grace. The rest is chance. The rest is free will. The rest is being present to the present moment and whatever that moment may mean or bring--or not being present to any of that. The rest is mystery.

It has been very helpful to me to spend the time and exert the effort to gain some conscious awareness of some of the fundamental reasons I am here and what I am here to accomplish in this life

I am a black man. I am a same gender loving man. I have been terribly, terribly wounded in this lifetime by those experiences. I have severely doubted my self worth as a direct result of these "things about me." And I have been given tremendous opportunities to discover my self worth through those exact same experiences that are the experiences of those terrible, terrible woundings. Many of the people I have interacted with in this life, I believe, have been there specifically to disrespect, de-value, de-humanize and discount me so that I could consciously choose to either believe the lies they presented to me or be encouraged to eventually Bless them and move on to discover who I Truly am. And Still I Rise. Hallelujah!

I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

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