Comfort and Discomfort in Everyday Discourse

Someone asked me very recently if one of my goals for this blog is to make people uncomfortable. The person asking me this question is someone who knows me very well and who also greatly respects me. So I know, to some extent, it was a rhetorical "in jest" type of question. Nevertheless, I think it is a good question. It is one I have addressed before in other venues. It is a question whose answer I have an extreme degree of clarity about.

Neither I nor this blog are here to make people comfortable. This, I am extremely clear about. I am also not here to make people uncomfortable. I am equally clear about that. What I attempt to do in my life and in my writing is to simply be authentic and to tell my truth as best as I am able. I am very aware that my particular brand of authenticity and truth telling can potentially push some people's buttons and can be interpreted by some as being the stimulus that brings about reactivity and certain negative emotions in them. Luckily, one of the many lessons I have learned in this life is that no one "causes" another to become reactionary. No one causes certain emotions in another to come to the forefront. In both of these instances both reactivity and the the seeds of various emotions already lie within the person. These may be triggered by other people, places, situations, other stimuli, etc. But no one outside the person him or herself creates or causes these things to come out or about. It reminds me of the classic line we've all heard before---"Why do you make me hurt you?"

Many of us are very highly invested in not taking responsibility for our own thoughts, behaviors and actions. Conversely, we are very highly invested in projecting all of that onto any convenient other that is around. Both comfort and discomfort naturally arises and falls in everyone based on a complex amalgam of stimuli. However, it is mostly an inner process. This is why things that infuriate one person have absolutely no impact on another.

Because I'm extremely aware of all of this and strongly incorporate that awareness into how I am in the world and how I interact with others, people do tend to get pissed off at me. I have come to understand that a fair percentage of that comes about because I have some unpopular or unconventional ideas and approaches to life or simply don't agree with some people and have enough self esteem and self confidence to hold my ground and not be bullied by those who then react to all of that and try to hold me responsible for their reactivity and emotional outbursts. The good thing is that I am also clearly aware of the fact that I don't know everything. I am very open to being wrong and to learning new things even from people I don't particularly respect. So that's a good balance to it all. However, I will not be bullied and I will not allow others to hold me responsible for their stuff. Those realities do eventually place me at odds with lots of different people.