"...Men are essentially grieving because we do not know how to love men,
half the world's human population. And we need to know how to love men
to lead fully productive lives. This is all directly related to the
experience of not feeling loved by the father or feeling abandoned or
not understood or not accepted by the father, etc. Most men realize this
on some level, mostly subconsciously. So many of us then seek out women
to teach us how to love. And in many cases these women we seek out
(including our mothers) variously succeed at this task. I have found
this desire for men to be taught to love by women, by the way, is just
as true for gay men as for men who identify as heterosexual.
Do not be
fooled by the appearances many gay men give that we are wanting men to
teach us how to love or that we even truly know how to love men
ourselves. Most gay men are afraid of men on some very basic levels. This is
because we had the same real or perceived distant and grieving fathers
as our straight counterparts. I have found both as an out gay man and a
therapist who has worked with hundreds of gay men--- gay men in general,
do not know more about how to truly love men than straight men do and in
many cases, we know less..."
Sage Mahosadha
Excerpted from the original essay, The Grieving Man
The original essay can be found here.
By Sage Mahosadha
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