I
One day my heart and eyes just opened up and I woke up and realized a
few things. I realized I am a 50 y.o. Black gay man in America. I
realized a generation of my gay male brothers succumbed to AIDS in the
80's and 90's. I realized a generation of my Black brothers were
incarcerated in the 80's and 90's. I realized I am very wise and very
intelligent and... very lucky and that many people cannot deal with
that. And I realized, I don't care anymore. Hallelujah!
II
One, just one way I can look at my life is through this lens: A good
deal of my adult life has been comprised of people, mostly men but not
exclusively so, having significant issues with "things about me,"
letting me know it and then trying to run a big ole trip on me because
of it. And for a long time it worked.
III
Some Black, straight people have tried to run a trip on me about being
gay and smart. Both of those are somehow seen as "trying to be White."
Oh Lord have Mercy don't let me go there.
Some White straight people have tried to run a trip on me for being
Black and smart.
Many Asian Americans have just tripped and didn't know what to think
about me. But since I was smart I got some respect. But most of them
still wouldn't want me to date their son or daughter, sister or brother.
Some White gay people have tried to run a trip on me for being black and
smart and for not believing my gay identity is the most amazing and
wonderful thing about me.
Christians have tried to run a trip on me for not being "one of them"
and for being gay.
Alternative spirituality people have tried to run a trip on me for being
Black and smart and wise and learned and confident and happy and not
needing their guru nor teacher nor their teachings to reach the
awarenesses I have reached.
IV
A different neo-Advaita person or student of Ramana Maharshi defriends
me on facebook almost every week for God only knows what reason(s)
because they never say why.
At some point I had to just look at all of that; laugh, cry, then laugh
some more and then cry some more and finally just realize-- you know
what, this isn't really about me. This is their stuff. And you know what
else, I'm not going to carry it anymore. I have enough of my own stuff
to carry.
And for those moments I liberate myself from all the knowledge
of everyone being one and everything being good and nothing existing
and nothing being real and I simply celebrate my Black, Gay, Smart,
Wise, Lucky Self. That's right-- mySelf, Myself, I, I, I, I... I love me,
just the way I AM... Me , MySelf and I, baby. Now, you go deal with
that! (big gay black, finger snap in a circle!)
V
This is my Song of Freedom...
And I have realized that too many people have died so that I may be
free. And Free I am. And Free I shall remain...
Now, I'm not talking about no political freedom nor freedom from social
constraints nor freedom from an enslavement created in and enforced by
the minds of men. I'm talkin' 'bout freedom with a Capital "F" y'all.
That's what I'm talkin' about. And when I got me a taste of that
Freedom. Well, whew, there may be valleys and there may be peaks; there may be good
days and there may be not so good days. But this is not a Freedom that can ever be
threatened by the pull of the moon nor the threat of war or not even by
death. This is a Freedom that can only be known about from the inside
out. And once it is known, there ain't really no talkin' to be done
anymore. This Freedom is beyond all that; its beyond words and concepts.
But you know what? I'm gonna talk about it whenever I can, because I
can. And when a whole bunch of us are talkin' about it, then a song will
be raised to the heavens. And like Bob Marley says, who I share a
birthday with...Hallelujah...when that happens--- it will be a
Redemption Song. It will truly be a song of Freedom...
VI
Yes, the guards were all imagined, the prison gates are no longer locked
and all our attorney fees have been paid in full. Come join me in
Rumi's field that is beyond right and wrong and where we will look into
each others eyes forever and know that there is nothing more beautiful
than either the other who is looking back nor the reflection we see, nor the field itself...
Won't you help to sing... this songs of freedom... 'cause all I ever have: Redemption songs... Redemption songs.
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