Testify.

In some church's people do what is called "testifying." Some people believe they are too educated or too well-bred or too something or other to testify. Thank God, I am not one of those people.

So I am going to testify...just a little bit here.

Psalm 23 verse 4 says, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

I want to tell you something. I have known this bible verse *by heart* since I was 5 or 6 years old. By heart, baby. Yes. I'm telling you the truth. And I want to tell you something else. Between January 2014 and June 2015 I was walking through that valley of the shadow of death. And I was walking and walking and walking. But you know what I forgot? I forgot the "I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me," part. Yes. You see, I forgot that part. So I just kept believing that I was meant to be walking through that damned valley of the shadow of death, wearing out pair after pair of shoes, with no end in sight. I intuitively knew there would somewhere be an end to it. But I didn't think about comfort or someone who could provide comfort being there with me through it all.

And then in one unplanned moment of grace last June my heart was opened up just enough and just long enough for Yeshua to come to me and remind me of the "I will fear no evil, for you are with me," part. Just enough and just long enough for that message to come through loud and clear. And even more miraculously---I believed it. Logic gave me no reason to believe it. Science gave me no reason to believe it. I am still a man of both logic and science. However, on that day it was a voice that spoke through the void, through the mystery of it all that got through to my heart. It was not a voice of science nor a voice of logic. And I believed it, even though logic and science gave me no reason to believe it.

Hallelujah!

Like I said, this is a post of testimony. It is not an evangelizing post. It is not a post of proselytizing. It is not really even a post about Yeshua even though Yeshua is mentioned several times and a photo of Yeshua accompanies the post. Find your own way. Find your own ecstasy. My way in no way needs to be your way. I know there are endless ways and endless routes to get there from. I hope you find it brothers and sisters. I hope you find it. I want everyone throughout the earth to experience the joy I am now experiencing. I hope you find joy. I hope you find peace. I hope you continue to work for justice. I hope your life is guided by the drive to birth endless forms and expressions of Loving Kindness onto the planet and out into the universes...AMEN.

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My Beautiful Life with Christ Yeshua, Part V

Various human frailties and limitations were on display throughout that experience with the spiritual community in the San Francisco Bay Area that is mentioned in Part IV of this series. These human frailties and limitations were on display in both members of that community and in myself as well. It felt necessary for me to compose Part IV in this series because the information contained in it, despite potentially being difficult or awkward for some to read, plays a vital role in the totality of this series. The power of these frailties and limitations eventually began to wane, at least for me. I cannot speak for anyone else. I became the slightest bit aware of this on that June 14^th Sunday of 2015 when I walked into St. Paul’s Episcopal Church for the first time.

I must admit to not knowing everything that happened to me when I walked into that church on that Sunday and even further, by participating in the service on that day.  I have received some information about this both through what I am going to call divine revelation and also through my own intuition. However, I do not know the whole of it and I may never know the whole of it. If that is the case, that is perfectly OK with me. What I do know is that an intense fire was rekindled in me that day. It is a fire that seems to have started in the center of my chest and then radiated throughout my entire body and eventually even beyond my physical body. I am calling this fire--the love of Christ.

I don’t know why the fire needed to be rekindled in me. I don’t know why that particular day was the day the fire needed to be rekindled. I don’t know exactly what the impetus for the rekindling was nor is.

What I do know is that I have received a great deal of clarity about the purpose of my life and what I am to do with the remainder of it as a result of the re-igniting of this fire in me. I have never had quite this level of clarity about such things before.

I am a very worldly man in some clear senses. I am also a man of science. I am a man of faith as well. However, my faith has not traditionally been that which completely ruled my life and it is not in any way limited to my Christian faith—not in the least. I have studied Sufism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and various First Nation spiritual practices quite deeply and know much of the important teachings and philosophical underpinnings of them all. I have gained much from each of them. 

I have the knowledge and the wherewithal to attribute what I am feeling inside of me to any number of entities, cosmic energies and forces, ideas, Gods, Goddesses, spiritual guides, avatars, saints, and psychological or mental states, or to nothing at all. Yet I know that it is Yeshua; it is the love of Yeshua, it is the Sacred Heart of Yeshua, and it is the peace of Yeshua that has ignited this fire inside of me. I can feel this truth inside of me. And I also know this was done in the presence of The Father/Mother and with the guidance of The Holy Spirit. I do not know how I know all of this. And yet I know it just like I know I am breathing in and breathing out and that the sun has risen today and will likely set later in the day. This knowledge pervades my very being; it takes up every moment of my waking and non-waking life, it envelopes every emotion I experience, it underscores every thought I have. I am filled with the love of Christ. Sometimes I feel I am going to explode as a result of this reservoir of love. And even though I am filled with the love of Christ I am still fully human and so I am extremely aware of my flaws and imperfections. Still, it seems I am in a perpetual state of appreciation and grace as a result of this knowledge and from the re-ignition of this fire.

I am currently intensely aware of this fire that seems to have started in my chest and I am also intensely aware that it is unquestionably connected to Yeshua. I trust it. I know it is good. And at the same time I periodically wonder just a little bit if I am going mad or if there is something I am not dealing with emotionally and am using this expression of spiritualism as a way of bypassing some important emotional work I should be doing instead. But then I very quickly realize that I am addressing more complicated, complex, and uncomfortable emotions as a direct result of this experience than I have in a very long time. So it simply does not make sense that this is some kind of spiritual bypassing experience. Or if it is, it is a very, very poor excuse for one since it is accomplishing exactly the opposite of what any real spiritual bypassing experience worth its salt is supposed to accomplish.

I am not running away from emotional nor psychological difficulty or challenge in my life. If anything, I am running toward them, infused with the love and blessed assurance of Yeshua. I have had more “difficult” conversations with people in the last several months than I can ever remember having in any other several month span of time. And there is also more of a present sense of forgiveness and reconciliation in my consciousness. And my personal boundaries with people have also gotten much clearer. I am much more aware of what is not OK with me in terms of behaviors and projections and just plain ole bullshit from other people. None of this seems to support the spiritual bypassing proposition.

I have come to understand that it is not my job to question this experience of the love of Christ manifesting so brilliantly in my life. I believe it is my job to listen, to be humble, to run with this and praise God and be humble in response to it all and to be of service to the earth and all its inhabitants and to respond with loving kindness as a result.

Amen.

Part IV is HERE
Part III is HERE

Part II is HERE
Part I is HERE

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Website Plug: LIBERATION FROM THE LIE

Eric Gross, Founder and Proprietor at Liberation from the Lie. He has written a book with the same title that can be purchased from the website, amazon and various other ways and formats.

http://liberationfromthelie.com/