My Beautiful Life with Christ Yeshua, Part V

Various human frailties and limitations were on display throughout that experience with the spiritual community in the San Francisco Bay Area that is mentioned in Part IV of this series. These human frailties and limitations were on display in both members of that community and in myself as well. It felt necessary for me to compose Part IV in this series because the information contained in it, despite potentially being difficult or awkward for some to read, plays a vital role in the totality of this series. The power of these frailties and limitations eventually began to wane, at least for me. I cannot speak for anyone else. I became the slightest bit aware of this on that June 14^th Sunday of 2015 when I walked into St. Paul’s Episcopal Church for the first time.

I must admit to not knowing everything that happened to me when I walked into that church on that Sunday and even further, by participating in the service on that day.  I have received some information about this both through what I am going to call divine revelation and also through my own intuition. However, I do not know the whole of it and I may never know the whole of it. If that is the case, that is perfectly OK with me. What I do know is that an intense fire was rekindled in me that day. It is a fire that seems to have started in the center of my chest and then radiated throughout my entire body and eventually even beyond my physical body. I am calling this fire--the love of Christ.

I don’t know why the fire needed to be rekindled in me. I don’t know why that particular day was the day the fire needed to be rekindled. I don’t know exactly what the impetus for the rekindling was nor is.

What I do know is that I have received a great deal of clarity about the purpose of my life and what I am to do with the remainder of it as a result of the re-igniting of this fire in me. I have never had quite this level of clarity about such things before.

I am a very worldly man in some clear senses. I am also a man of science. I am a man of faith as well. However, my faith has not traditionally been that which completely ruled my life and it is not in any way limited to my Christian faith—not in the least. I have studied Sufism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and various First Nation spiritual practices quite deeply and know much of the important teachings and philosophical underpinnings of them all. I have gained much from each of them. 

I have the knowledge and the wherewithal to attribute what I am feeling inside of me to any number of entities, cosmic energies and forces, ideas, Gods, Goddesses, spiritual guides, avatars, saints, and psychological or mental states, or to nothing at all. Yet I know that it is Yeshua; it is the love of Yeshua, it is the Sacred Heart of Yeshua, and it is the peace of Yeshua that has ignited this fire inside of me. I can feel this truth inside of me. And I also know this was done in the presence of The Father/Mother and with the guidance of The Holy Spirit. I do not know how I know all of this. And yet I know it just like I know I am breathing in and breathing out and that the sun has risen today and will likely set later in the day. This knowledge pervades my very being; it takes up every moment of my waking and non-waking life, it envelopes every emotion I experience, it underscores every thought I have. I am filled with the love of Christ. Sometimes I feel I am going to explode as a result of this reservoir of love. And even though I am filled with the love of Christ I am still fully human and so I am extremely aware of my flaws and imperfections. Still, it seems I am in a perpetual state of appreciation and grace as a result of this knowledge and from the re-ignition of this fire.

I am currently intensely aware of this fire that seems to have started in my chest and I am also intensely aware that it is unquestionably connected to Yeshua. I trust it. I know it is good. And at the same time I periodically wonder just a little bit if I am going mad or if there is something I am not dealing with emotionally and am using this expression of spiritualism as a way of bypassing some important emotional work I should be doing instead. But then I very quickly realize that I am addressing more complicated, complex, and uncomfortable emotions as a direct result of this experience than I have in a very long time. So it simply does not make sense that this is some kind of spiritual bypassing experience. Or if it is, it is a very, very poor excuse for one since it is accomplishing exactly the opposite of what any real spiritual bypassing experience worth its salt is supposed to accomplish.

I am not running away from emotional nor psychological difficulty or challenge in my life. If anything, I am running toward them, infused with the love and blessed assurance of Yeshua. I have had more “difficult” conversations with people in the last several months than I can ever remember having in any other several month span of time. And there is also more of a present sense of forgiveness and reconciliation in my consciousness. And my personal boundaries with people have also gotten much clearer. I am much more aware of what is not OK with me in terms of behaviors and projections and just plain ole bullshit from other people. None of this seems to support the spiritual bypassing proposition.

I have come to understand that it is not my job to question this experience of the love of Christ manifesting so brilliantly in my life. I believe it is my job to listen, to be humble, to run with this and praise God and be humble in response to it all and to be of service to the earth and all its inhabitants and to respond with loving kindness as a result.

Amen.

Part IV is HERE
Part III is HERE

Part II is HERE
Part I is HERE

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