Kuan Yin Musings Over at The Jesus in Love Blog

The always tantalizing and wonderful Kittredge Cherry continues her fascinating series, "GLBT Saints" today with an exploration of the "Asian Goddess of Compassion," Kuan Yin (sometimes represented as Quan Yin or Guanyin) in both words and art.

Take a quick trip over to the Jesus in Love blog here to take a look at what delights Kittredge has served up for us today.

Photo Credit:©Olga's Kuan Yin By William Hart McNichols. View more of his work here

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Disappointment in Others: One of the Many Faces of Projection

For the last several months I have been engaged in an experiment. The experiment has involved watching, paying close attention to and then noticing very carefully whenever I felt disappointed in someone. Then, after noticing when this had occurred, being very honest with myself, to the best of my ability, about what was truly going on inside of me to bring about the experience and emotional response of being disappointed with or in another Human Being. What I found---and this was not surprising to me in the least---is that in every single case, I was able to track my feelings of disappointment in the other person to the projecting of my hopes, dreams, wishes and/or desires for this person onto them and/or expecting these people to somehow change what was authentic for them in order to placate me and my wishes for them. My disappointment was an expression of me believing I knew what was best for them more than me believing they could figure out what was best for themselves. Often some form of "guilting" (READ: Bullying!) was used by me as a tool of coercion if things progressed to the point where I verbally expressed my feelings of disappointment.

We often tell ourselves whatever we need to tell ourselves to be comfortable and OK with our dysfunctional beliefs and actions

When I told several friends about the experiment, they were very eager to come up with all kinds of excuses for my being disappointed in people as well as excuses for their own engagement in this same behavior. I heard everything from, "No, its not projection. What it is, is that we so care for another person and want what's best for them that we get disappointed when we see them hurting themselves" to, "Being disappointed in others is really a way for us to have empathy for one another. Our disappointed is our way of truly connecting with them."

I ain't buying it.

I cannot speak for these other people and the role being disappointed in others plays in their lives. I can say with absolute certainty that when I, during this several month long experiment, experienced disappointment with another Human Being, it was always about me either projecting my stuff onto them or in the cases where I told the people of my disappointment, it was me trying to manipulate those people in some way. My friends may have a different experience. I however, don't think so. I believe it is a case of them telling themselves whatever they need to tell themselves to be OK with behaviors they engage in that are dysfunctional, manipulative and/or coercive.

I invite anyone who reads this and truly believes there is some other much more altruistic and true reason behind your experience of being disappointed in other people, to share your stories and underlying beliefs with me. I promise I will not dismiss you nor them out of hand as the product of self delusion. However, you can likely anticipate some rather rigorous and pointed questioning from me in an attempt to discover if you are simply suffering from a desire to sugarcoat one of your shadow aspects.

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Degrees of Entitlement

Once upon a time I saw attitudes of entitlement as being equal no matter who expressed them. I did not, for example, make a distinction between the apparent entitlement of the homeless person who approaches passersby very aggressively demanding they both interact with them and give him or her what they wanted from them and say-- the entitlement of the CEO of a fortune 500 multinational corporation who intentionally and knowingly, through his or her corporate leadership and the company's practices is doing their level best to destroy peoples lives and the planet earth solely in the name of profits and getting a seven figure bonus in the process.

Over the years I have come to see the error of my previous thinking. I have come to see there are degrees to entitlement.

Level I: There are some people who have been a member of one or more traditionally oppressed groups in the world or in a specific culture who can develop a certain kind of entitlement. This can include women, ethnic minorities, sexual minorities, members of certain disenfranchised groups of every sort, etc.

One of the clear examples of this type of entitlement I've witnessed in my life so far is the attitude of entitlement that is present in some, mostly white, though it is not an exclusively white thing-- gay men in large, über progressive, gay mecca's such as San Francisco, California.

The creation of this particular type of entitlement seems to be related to an experience of internalized guilt, shame and/or inadequacy around the issue or issues that places the person in one or more oppressed groups. This is then often combined with some real or imagined temporal or perceived permanent emancipation from the deepest, darkest forms of the oppression the specific group can experience. For example, San Francisco, a city I lived in and around for more than 10 years, has a significant number of quite wealthy gay men. I noticed that a lot of these wealthy gay men who live in and around San Francisco frequently display this type of attitude of entitlement. In this case, the wealth seems to give them a real or imagined belief that they have been emancipated from some or all of the more horrible aspects of the oppression that can often come from being a member of an oppressed sexual minority. There then appears to be this lapse into a belief that many people in the world, mostly non-gay people, are really quite literally "less than" them. In essence, these men seem to believe their wealth has bought them some strong amount of freedom from this oppression. Sometimes this seems to translate into that well known syndrome where an oppressed group gains power, overthrows the oppressive king, one of them then takes over the throne and becomes a more oppressive king than his predecessor could have ever dreamed of being.

More interestingly to me at least, is that I also observed many gay men in San Francisco who were not wealthy at all, some even being quite destitute, who displayed this exact same attitude of entitlement. For them, it seems, just being in a city that is so incredibly gay friendly, where there are so many beautiful and powerful gay people and where gay people make up such a large percentage of the population-- unleashed this entitlement demon that was inside of them.

I've seen this type of entitlement demonstrated by members of many other oppressed groups other than gay men, of course. I just saw such a strong and persistent pattern of it in and around San Francisco, specifically among gay men (curiously I rarely observed this specific dynamic in lesbian women) that it is simply one of the forms I have had a lot of personal experience with. And of course it goes without saying though I'll say it anyway--there are multitudes of gay men including gay men in major, worldwide gay meccas, who don't display this type of entitlement whatsoever.

Level II: I call this type of entitlement, "Everything new is old again." The hallmark of this level of entitlement is a person obtaining something new such as a sudden and very large sum of money, a new doting and adoring significant other, or a new fabulous and fabulously paying job, for example. This new acquisition then has the impact of making something manifest that had been in dormancy before--namely, a fierce sense of entitlement.

It seems with these people the seed of entitlement was planted in their psyche some time ago but there was nothing to really bring it to the fore until they had obtained something they believed justified this dormant entitlement thing inside of them being birthed into their reality. One of the symptoms of this type of entitlement is a form of pretentiousness that's really quite easy to observe.

Level III: I call this type of entitlement, "Everything old is new again." This type of entitlement seems to primarily be the purview of those who were born into money and have always been use to having a lot of privileges and other life perks that others may not be so naturally accustomed to. Often this type of entitlement just seems to come with the territory. This seems to be so much so that when I meet someone from generations of old money who still has it (money) and doesn't have this particular air of entitlement (and there are likely many in the world who don't) I almost always find it quite refreshing.

This level can also include people who may not have tons of generational money but may just have people in their lives who have spoiled them and/or treated them as if they did have tons of money and all the rights and privileges that can come with that.

Level IV: This final level of entitlement seems to primarily be reserved for essentially sociopaths who have also found themselves with an incredibly dangerous combination of money, power and influence. When all those criterion come together, it seems that the lust for profits and the seven figure bonuses that can come with the work they do can create personalities that can truly believe they are so entitled that no one else on the planet really matters. And the planet itself also doesn't matter. Everything and everyone is literally just a pawn for them in a giant though real and potentially catastrophic game of monopoly.

People at the first three levels of entitlement can be irritating and very annoying. I however, see them as essentially harmless. Those at this fourth level on the other hand may seem very charming, gallant and sophisticated to the untrained eye but are in reality sometimes quite lethal. These people are usually surrounded by so many people to shield them from everyone else, it is rare for the general pubic to really find out just how lethal they are while they are still alive. Bernard Madoff seems to be an exception in this regard. Many of history's more notorious dictators probably are exceptions to this as well. Most infamous dictators however, who are at this level, often find a way to flee to some sort of safety right before their true lethality is revealed to the masses. These people, at this level of entitlement are people I believe we all would do well to pray for and send great quantities of positive energy to.

My purpose for developing some degree of awareness around all of this is the same as my purpose and motivation around everything else I observe in the world I might choose to label dysfunctional. I see these forms of entitlement displayed in people to be opportunities for growth and healing and perhaps a specific call to action for me. As a healer and spiritual teacher I am always looking for opportunities to gain greater insight, to some degree, into why things are the way they are; why people are the way we are. I realize there are many things in the world and in the human experience that are mysteries and may always remain so. There are however, many things that are not mysteries and that can be transmuted. If we have some insight into the possible reasons why some of these things exist, we may be able to better transform them, if they are indeed things in need of transformation.

From my point of observation, attitudes of entitlement are some of the many things on the planet at this time that contribute to the consciousness of separation we see and experience in the world. I believe the consciousness of separation in the world is one of the things that healing energy can be directed toward. That healing can help provide the type of transformation I believe most people who are engaged in the type of work I do wish to see and to help create.

Courage, Compassion, Human Connection, Vulnerability

The courage to be imperfect.

The compassion to be kind to ourselves first and then to be kind to others.

The ability to make human connections as a direct result of authenticity.

Fully embracing vulnerability.

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Today

I am enough.
sage mahosadha

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A Little Something I Recently Wrote On Homelessness In America

Written early on Christmas morning 2010

There are those who will not give money to certain panhandlers because they believe they will use the money for alcohol and/or drugs. I have never truly understood this rationale and have asked friends who take this tact to explain their mental processes to me.

What I usually get in response is some mishmash of what appears to me to be a combination of judgment, self righteousness and a need to parent people who are often twice their own age, all wrapped up in a pretty package of middle class entitlement and with an equally pretty bow on top.

First, if I were homeless and/or living on the street and/or living in abject poverty there is a better than average chance I would be driven to drink and drug too (I currently do not engage in either) and I would venture to say the same is true for my friends who engage in this practice of refusing to give money to those they believe will use it for such things.

Second, how can they tell a person is going to use the money for alcohol or drugs? Is there some antennae such people are always wearing that I somehow consistently failed to notice after more than 25 years of working with the homeless in four different states and various environments? No, really. That's a serious question.

Third, what if, just what if the people aren't going to use the money for these purposes? Not  that I believe it matters. As one of my friends recently shared in a discussion I had with some people on this topic, what business is it of mine what the money is going to be used for?

I think this may be the place where those people come in who won't give money but instead say something along the lines of, "I'm not going to give you any money but there's a decent deli around the corner. I go there myself all the time. I'll buy you a meal there."

Okay. That's pretty cool. But you know what? I have personally known a number of seemingly good-hearted, hard working people--nice people, for almost 30 years, who have taken this tact. And I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's some reason this tact, as a default response, has always irked me as well. I think its because this one, while exponentially more generous than the other one, seems to have an air of, "Hey! You want my money? Then you gotta play by my rules, baby or Big Daddy (Big Momma) ain't gonna help ya!"

Mmmm, I just don't know.

These are just some thoughts that came to my mind early on this Christmas morning as I think about all the homeless people, children and families on this day. May All Beings Be Free.

© Raven/Sage Mahosadha

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Peacemaking Circles

Peacemaking Circles: A process for solving problems and building community

The peacemaking circle is a process that brings together individuals who wish to engage in conflict resolution, healing, support, decision making or other activities in which honest communications, relationship development, and community building are core desired outcomes.

"Circles" offer an alternative to contemporary meeting processes that often rely on hierarchy,
win-lose positioning, and victim/rescuer approaches to relationships and problem solving.
Derived from aboriginal and native traditions, circles bring
people together in a way that creates trust, respect, intimacy,
good will, belonging, generosity, mutuality and reciprocity.
The process is never about "changing others", but rather is an
invitation to change oneself and one’s relationship with the
community.

Circles intentionally create a sacred space that lifts barriers
between people, opening fresh possibilities for connection,
collaboration and mutual understanding. The process works
because it brings people together in a way that allows them to
see one another as human beings and to talk about what matters.
Circles can be understood in terms of the values and principles upon which they operate, and the
structures they use to support these values and principles.
Values and Principles- Though each circle develops its own values and principles, all
peacemaking circles generally:

1. are designed by those who use them
2. are guided by a shared vision
3. call participants to act on their personal values
4. include all interests, and are accessible to all
5. offer everyone an equal, and voluntary, opportunity to participate
6. take a holistic approach, including the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual
7. maintain respect for all
8. encourage exploring instead of conquering differences
9. invite accountability to others and to the process

Structure- Circles provide effective support to groups seeking to stay on course with the values
and principles they have established for their circle.
The circle process is "simple but not easy," and must be experienced to be fully grasped and
replicated. There is an intangible quality to circles that must be experienced to be understood.
However, there are some key structures that help to define the circle.

1. The meeting space is the most visible structure. Participants are seated in a circle focusing on
the center where symbolic objects may be placed to remind participants of values shared among those in the circle.

2. A talking piece is used as a way to ensure respect between speakers and listeners. The
talking piece is passed from person to person within the circle and only the person holding
the piece may speak.

3. Two "keepers" of the circle have been identified. The
keepers guide the participants and keep the circle as a safe
space. While it is possible to have only one keeper,
generally a team of two is preferable.

4. Ceremony and ritual are used to create safety and form.

5. Consensus decision making honors the values and
principles of peacemaking circles and helps participants
to stay grounded in them.

Benefits of Circles- Circles strengthen relationships and build community. They do so
through the process they use to deal with specific issues around which a peacemaking circle
might be called. As they experience circles, participants begin to develop the physical, mental,
emotional and spiritual habits of peacemaking. The circle process helps to shift old patterns in
how individuals and communities interact, a shift that over time becomes reflected in interactions
outside the circle. Circles:

1. build relationships
2. foster open dialogue
3. encourage values-based action
4. provide a space to acknowledge
responsibility
5. facilitate innovative problem-solving
6. address the deeper causes of conflict
7. empower participants and communities
8. break through isolation
9. bring healing and transformation

When to Use Peacemaking Circles-There are different reasons for bringing people together,
and so circles are used for different purposes. Circles may be called for conflict, talking, healing,
brainstorming and management, court-related issues, art, support, and family issues. Circles are
appropriate in business, family, judicial, social service, artistic and other settings.
Circles are effective in any group settings in which there is a desire for:

1. Healing rather than coercion
2. Individual and collective accountability rather than only
individual accountability
3. Democratic, egalitarian and spiritual values
4. Focusing on the commonalities, instead of the differences,
between people
5. Building community
6. Individual and collective change and transformation

Sources: Carolyn Boyes-Watson, Suffolk College; Jon Prichard, University of Maine; Pranis, K., Barry

Stuart and Mark Wedge, 2003, Peacemaking Circles, From Crime to Community, Living Justice Press.

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Today's Wisdom from Tenzin Gyatso

"My basic belief is that first you need to realize the usefulness of compassion, that's the key factor. Once you accept the fact that compassion is not something childish or sentimental, once you realize that compassion is something really worthwhile and realize its deeper value, then you immediately develop an attraction towards it, a willingness to cultivate it."

Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

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Today

It is no secret that those who possess a high degree of personal freedom and a high degree of self confidence are likely to be threatening to many. The larger secret is how to become inspired by such people rather than being threatened by them.

sage mahosadha

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The Everyday Mystic: Good Customer Service as a Spiritual Practice

I don’t know his name. I however, have boarded his Muni bus every couple of days and have for months now. I board it in good and inclement weather both. I board it when the bus is crowded and when it isn’t. I imagine I board it when he is and when he isn't having such a good day. His demeanor is always the same no matter what. He is always the model of kindness, friendliness and warmth--always. He smiles at every rider and says “hello” to most. He lets riders off at unofficial stops and waits for people who are running a block back schlepping four bags of groceries.

Across the bridge and over in Oakland I have found myself in Herman’s check out line at the Pleasant Valley Safeway numerous times. At this point, I go to his line even if there are other lines that are much shorter and even if I have just a few items. I don't even see the other lines. I just look for Herman. Why would I do this? Because going through Herman’s line reminds me of all the reasons I enjoy life. I go to Herman’s line because he always makes me smile and often makes me laugh uproariously. He jokes. He makes funny and endearing comments about the things people buy. I go to his check out line because I always leave with a smile on my face and never feel like I’ve had another brusque, impersonal experience with yet another individual who provides customer service to me and billions of people all over the planet. I go to Herman’s line because it is overwhelmingly clear that this man understands the art of providing good customer service as a spiritual practice.

It saddens me that these two men, in my overall experience of being provided all manner of customer service, are wonderful yet glaring exceptions to the norm. Much more typical are the waiters who give off the strong vibe that they believe they are actually doing you a favor by simply waiting on you. Even worse--and hopefully this is a form of insanity not found too many places other than San Francisco or other large metropolitan areas—are the ones who are aggressively flirting with some other customer two tables away while barely pretending to take your order. In fact, this article was primarily inspired by that exact experience with countless waiters over the years in various restaurants in and around The Castro district in San Francisco. There are also the ubiquitous retail shop owners, managers and workers who actively discriminate against ethnic peoples or people they somehow decide have little or no money or people who have obvious physical, emotional or other challenges, etc.

I believe it is important to bring to light these sometimes serious transgressions in the world of customer service. I believe it’s important primarily because I know its beneficial to shed the light of day on something needing transformation before it can effectively be addressed much less transformed. My main objective here however, is to highlight a few of the qualities I have observed that let me know someone, whether they ever frame it this way or nor, has mastered the art of approaching the provision of customer service as a spiritual practice.

The customer is always right.

There was a time, many years ago, in my rebellious youth, when I thought this maxim was unfair, outrageous and unnecessarily oppressive to workers who provided customer service. Now, with the wisdom that has come with middle age and the experience that comes with it as well, I have repented, done the requisite mea culpa and have abandoned such youth inspired beliefs. The truth is, the customer is always right--beginning and end of story. And it is this core understanding that forms the foundation of qualities that informs those who understand the spiritual practice of customer service. This however, is not the same as saying, the customer can abuse the employee. That is a different matter entirely and is not acceptable and adds just as much negativity to the world as poor customer service.

There is something however, that is even more fundamental than the understanding that the customer is always right. This understanding is that providing good customer service is not only an art, it is also a calling. Not everyone is good at the art. Even fewer have the calling it seems. If one does not have the skill nor the calling, and cannot somehow develop it, one should probably choose a different occupation. Otherwise, one will likely cause unnecessary pain and aggravation for people who simply wanted a good meal and good service; their car fixed; their roof properly patched or a cup of coffee without the accompanying attitude, angst and aggression. Those things have everything to do with the servers personal life and degree of maturity and ability to have good boundaries and nothing to do with the customer.

Providing good customer service is a spiritual practice. That is worth repeating—providing good customer service is a spiritual practice.

I have crafted a life for myself where I consistently attract very amazing people to me. I don’t have many spiritually nor psychologically immature people in my circles. I look around me and almost always see a preponderance of goodness. A lot of that is due to my 20+ year Buddhist influenced meditation practice. So I see goodness almost everywhere. I feel supported by life. Life, even with all its inevitable pain and challenge, is not a burden for me. With all of this going for me, when I find myself in Herman’s check out line or on this one Muni drivers bus, I am still transformed into a kid again. I am transformed into a kid who can so easily be excited and encouraged by the most simple of things. I can feel my spirits lift. I can feel the excitement rising within me. If I’m feeling sort of down, a perceptible shift occurs. This, I submit, is the power and beauty of someone who understands good customer service as a valid spiritual practice. And it feels so good to be on the receiving end of such beauty.

sage mahosadha

© Raven/Sage Mahosadha

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Today

I have successfully escaped from every single box I have been attempted to be hermetically placed in. And at the time of my death I shall also not be placed in a box. Though if I could, surely that would be the sweetest box of them all...

sage mahosadha

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