Travel only with thy equals or with thy betters; if there are none, travel alone.
The Dhammapada
Loving Kindness
Showing posts with label wisdom teachings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wisdom teachings. Show all posts
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Quote of the Day 06.24.11
The ego searches for shortcomings and weaknesses. Love watches for any sign of strength. Love sees how far each one has come and not how far he has to go.
How simple it is to love, but how exhausting it is to find fault: for every time we see a fault we think something needs to be done about it. Love knows that nothing is ever needed but more love.
It is what we do with out hearts, not the actions of our body or the words of our mind, that affects others most deeply and transmits love. We love from heart to heart."
- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Monday, June 20, 2011
Dance of Joy
Christian, Jew, Muslim, shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the mystery, unique and not to be judged.
Rumi
Saturday, June 18, 2011
What Your Holy Books Never Told You (or you chose to ignore) About Awakening
Sage Sarojini
(Even though I have recently made the decision to slightly alter the focus of this blog, the underlying purpose for it remains the same. This blog, at its root, is about spiritual exploration and living consciously. For the most part I deconstruct that premise and present it here on the blog in what I believe to be creative, thought provoking, unconventional and at times very provocative ways. Still, the premise is always the same. Sometimes I choose to address spiritual exploration and conscious living in much more conventional ways. That is what I am doing here with the reprint of my friend Sage Sarojini's essay, "What your holy books never told you (or you chose to ignore) about Awakening." The issue of awakening and the awakening process (in all the various ways that word can and cannot be defined) continues to be a foundational one for both spiritual seekers and teachers alike. From the very first time I read this piece, almost a year ago, I very much appreciated and admired the way Sage addressed the issue and the clarity she expressed. Sage's essay is reprinted here in full with the permission of the author. I hope you enjoy it!)
What Your Holy Books Never Told You (or you chose to ignore) About Awakening
By Sage Sarojini
Today I would like to take the time to address some things that you may never have heard about which happens upon or after Awakening / Enlightenment / Liberation. These happenings are usually never mentioned in the holy books, or if they are, they are totally ignored. This is merely a "check list", of sorts, to refer to when one is rather convinced that the whole world had this Awakening "thing" backwards (which, by the by, they do... but, this will be understood on its own in due time.).
1.) Awakening or Enlightenment is the last great disappointment of ego. In that non-instant there is the bewildered declaration of: "Are you kidding me!?", followed by utter perplexity that eventually yields to the deepest laughter ever encountered. Most of the "Awake" (or subsequent books about Awakening) discuss the laughter. However, the laughter doesn't come first; at first you will be baffled and will, more than likely, feel slightly let down for a few short moments. Welcome to the 'cosmic joke' (and yes, it was on you!).
2.) No one will notice a thing. Your closest friends and family will, more than likely, not see much of a change. You will not glow. Angels will not surround your home. Buddha will not come knocking at your door to welcome you into "the club". You may actually become more annoying to those closest to you. You will want to share in the delight of the Truth that has been uncovered, but your loved ones will: a) have no idea what you are talking about and quietly believe you have officially lost your marbles, b) could care less about your latest discovery (which, to them, is likely to be just another "aha" among a long journey of "aha's" that you've shared with them umpteen times before), c) your gibberish and inability to communicate what is understood sounds like an alien language that makes them dizzy, confused and quite irritated with you.
3.) You will feel emotion like you have never felt before. There is now a quiet, steady center that is constantly present; however, when an emotion comes along, its energectic depth will suprise you. You will realize that without any barriers in place (namely, the sense of a seperate self) that these energies are free to go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. And they will. You will also realize that you had never truly experienced happiness, sadness or even anger as it is before. Do not be surprised and, by all means, do not attempt to block this from happening. The Freedom of Truth even allows the freedom of free flowing emotional energy. Enjoy the ride.
4.) You will forget what it's like to live without the Understanding of Truth. This will frustrate the hell out of you. You will attempt to describe, point and guide others that are not within this Understanding a thousand times; it will fail miserably. You are now unable to comprehend how they can't see This Truth (as you have forgotten what that's like and can't, even for a second, pretend to be separate from life again) and they can't understand a word of what you are saying. You will also give up trying to share hundreds of times. However, the universe will continually put you back in such a position again and again and again ... until you accept the frustration, accept that you can't make another Understand and humbly point to the ineffable despite the difficulities.
5.) A magical thing eventually happens; you are blessed with a "bullshit meter". It picks up on people's indiscretions, lies, stories, masks, fears, etc from miles away. It's now hard to play the game of "pretend I'm someone I'm not" with someone that really isn't what they are hoping to pretend they aren't. You will lose patience with people's utter insistence that they are real in the way they believe they are. You will lose patience with the same old storylines making an appearance within your life with those closest to you. You may even walk away from some old relationships, as you can now clearly see the foundations were based upon need, lack and the want for connection that is no longer necessary.
6.) You will unintentionally offend people ... many people. It will be difficult to pump up people's egos just for the sake of making them feel better; rather, you will share in an honest way and this isn't what most people want to hear. You will eventually learn when to speak and when to be silent; opting for the latter more and more.
7.) When you close your eyes, the world will disappear... there will be no cognition of anything. When you open your eyes again, it's like a magic trick when the cognition comes back. It's better than ice cream.
8.) Ice cream will still make the body fat. It hasn't lost the ability to gain weight.
9.) You will make mistakes. Many of them. That body is still an imperfect human being living within an imperfect world. Embrace this.
10.) You will laugh often. Outloud. To yourself. For no apparent reason. People will not understand this, as it's really an "inside joke". Their stares and your laughter will make you laugh harder.
11.) There will be "settling" or "deepening" into This Ever Present Truth.
12.) You will get lost gazing at the night sky. You will fall in love with flying birds. You will weep over the unnecessary suffering of any living thing. You will smile at the gentle cooing of babies. Life will always be the suprising gift that it is.
13.) If you had a Teacher (s), you will fall to your knees in utter gratitude and humility at the Grace and Guidance given. This will never go away ...
14.) You may have accumulated rooms and rooms full of spiritual paraphernalia and books. You will realize that these collections (which were pretty unnecessary) are now taking up all of your free space. Ebay is a great way to get rid of them and allow those currently seeking Truth to "surround themselves with holy things".
15.) All is holy. Even poop. But poop still stinks.
You will find the original essay here, at Sage's log, Silent Stillness
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
How to embrace or at least hold seemingly opposing narratives (as well as people who seem to have polar opposite philosophies)...
1. Let go of the need to be right.
2. Practice compassion.
3. Stop judging as many things and as many people as possible.
4. Practice self forgiveness and forgiveness of others.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
An Important Type of Spiritual Teacher (Re-post)
Still, there are other types of spiritual teachers who are far closer to us; they are also far more numerous and prevalent and they are always available to us; always right under our noses and their teachings are always spot on. Yet these spiritual teachers are seldom recognized for their astounding, miraculous and life changing spiritual teaching abilities, consistency and availability.
These teachers are the people in each of our lives who daily or regularly rattle, enrage, annoy, infuriate, test, confuse and sometimes even make us physically ill simply by gazing upon their sickening faces. It is the man or woman who thoughtlessly cut you off at the busy intersection yesterday. They are our micro-managing and high maintenance supervisors. They are the people we imagine are at the absolute polar opposite ideological pole from us and not only that, they are the ones who often represent everything we believe to be “bad” or “wrong” about that very “opposite” ideological pole. They are the people we would like to believe embody everything we are against. Or they are the people who simply refuse to act, say or do what we want them to act, say or do. These are the people we are often verbally aggressive toward as well as the people we might even fantasize about being physically violent against.
If you have such people in your lives- meet some of your spiritual teachers.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Life's purpose and such
So here's the deal, once we gain a crystal clear awareness about what both our inner and outer purposes in life are we also gain clarity on what isn't our purpose. This is especially true if along with that clarity came an increase in our consciousness as well, which is usually the case. We can no longer pretend to be ignorant of many things. In some cases it may mean no longer pretending a certain career or profession is the one for us. In many more cases it means certain lifestyle choices are no longer available to us if we are being authentic to our new level of awareness. We may find certain television programs, videos and reading materials no longer feel harmonious to us. This may be especially true for those media that contain senseless and violent images or images or stories of people acting in particularly disrespectful and silly ways. I believe the most common experience is that we will find that reacting to and treating people in the ways we did before a rise in our clarity and consciousness now seems obsolete and in some cases, just plain ridiculous.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Today
It is my belief that the wisest spiritual guides and teachers are those who "know" the least.
sage mahosadha
sage mahosadha
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Re-post of some of my favorite blog posts from 2010. "Common Blindness in the Face of Uncommon Vision." First posted on 02.16.2010
In his own time, many people did not recognize the historical Jesus
for the sublime spiritual master he was. The same is true for the
historical Buddha. The same is true for Muhammad. And for Laozi. It is a
very safe bet that in every age there have been spiritual masters and
avatars both well known and unknown who were not recognized as someone
with a spiritual gift for all of humankind; and BTW, they were not all
male and many were also exceedingly ordinary even by the most pedestrian
standards.
Why is this so?
In ancient times up until very recently, simple physical proximity was a primary reason for not “seeing” or recognizing a spiritual master who was alive and teaching among the people. If Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad and Laozi each had their own websites, YouTube channel and weekly podcasts, more would have surely been aware of them and their teachings. More would have recognized the clarity they possessed and their teachings would have become much more widespread much more rapidly. My predictions will end there because with every perceived blessing there are surely equally intense challenges.
Still, I am certain there were many in direct proximity to each of these masters and many other similar ones who simply could not or would not see the brilliant person before them. That phenomenon continues to this day and it, of course, is not limited to the realm of spiritual masters and avatars. Check here to see a modern example of what I am talking about.
This phenomenon is caused by a variety of factors. It may be caused most fundamentally by a simple lack of interest or desire in seeing someone who has the particular gifts of a Jesus of Nazareth or a Laozi. It is certainly caused by an apprehension to or suspicion of many or all things perceived to be religious or spiritual especially if the one embodying these traits goes against the ruling conventions around religion and spirituality and/or they are not yet perceived to be a threat to those conventions. It can also simply be caused by being overly engaged in daily tasks and other secular concerns to the degree that one believes there is no time or perhaps no need to pursue anything else.
It is caused by many other causes.
Now, it is one thing to not be recognized or to remain unseen, in the most common sense of invisibility. It is quite another to be clearly recognized, experienced or even intimately known and to then be actively opposed, sometimes precisely because of the razor sharp wisdom and truth you exhibit. It is this latter type of situation that holds particular interest for me. It interests me in part because I have witnessed this occur in my own lifetime and there have always been fascinating aspects to it all.
Several months ago I watched a conversation between Oprah Winfrey and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle. In this discourse Tolle revealed that one presumed purchaser of his book had been so completely triggered by Tolle’s book, “A New Earth” that the reader took the pains to mail the book back to Tolle directly---however, not until he had shredded it into a thousand pieces and stuffed those pieces into a certified envelope addressed to the author.
Similarly, Richard Abanes, another person who has apparently been strongly triggered by Tolle’s writings and approach, has written an entire book entitled, “A New Earth, An Old Deception: Awakening to the Dangers of Eckhart Tolle's #1 Bestseller.” In press releases for his book Abanes proclaims that the book is an exercise in taking apart Tolle’s book, A New Earth “paragraph by paragraph.”
And finally, in this same vein, there is a serious internet-based organization that seriously labels Ms. Winfrey “the antichrist” because, among other things, she chose to name Tolle’s book, “A New Earth” as a pick for her influential book club.
Tolle’s experience may seem extreme. It is not. Consider the experience of the gentle Zen Master and Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, who in 1967 was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King, Jr. He so triggered the Vietnamese government that he was exiled from there, his native land, for more than 30 years. Why? Essentially for teaching non-violence and engaged Buddhism, an expression of Buddhist practice that strives to use the insights from meditation practice and mindfulness to effect positive change in the areas of social, political, environmental and economic injustice.
Of course Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh are just two people, two spiritual masters and they are each very well known. Otherwise they are unremarkable and no different from anyone else.
Obviously there are many more such spiritual masters in the world. Some are completely unknown at least for their spiritual mastery. They are some of the nameless sources of wisdom and Light that coexist among us in every realm and every aspect of our earthly existence. They are suburban housewives; custodians; cubicle neighbors at our places of work; store clerks; CEO’s; members of the world’s armed forces; and high school teachers, just to name a very limited few. Many would be quite amazed at the places where true spiritual masters may be found in our contemporary world. Their platforms and unassuming manner of delivering their wisdom would also amaze if it were revealed.
Why is it then, when the light of the sun is so easily visible from light years away here on earth, that we can so easily not see or especially seek to dim or even extinguish the Light of certain human Suns that shine just as or perhaps even more brightly all around us? Again, there are so many reasons: Jealousy, envy, doubt, judgment, fear, apathy, blindness. The list could become quite lengthy. I however, believe there is one primary reason.
When someone is in denial or some state of dis-ease about his or her own innate divinity, it is then astoundingly easy to come up with a myriad of ways and excuses for denying that same beautiful innate divinity in another. And then if one has even a spark of malice or spiritual or psychological immaturity in them, some drama will then inevitably ensue. And this drama can become all kinds of things up to and including the murder, rape, persecution of someone or the genocide of a group who is believed to be "evil" "bad" "worthless" etc.
But then there is that wonderful thing we have in our experience of Life which we commonly refer to as "grace." And grace is a very beautiful lover to be kissed by. So someone may be engaged in even the persecution of someone or some group for years and some other spark may be ignited and they will see the insanity they have created and then a deeper form of consciousness can be birthed.
© Raven/Sage Mahosadha
Why is this so?
In ancient times up until very recently, simple physical proximity was a primary reason for not “seeing” or recognizing a spiritual master who was alive and teaching among the people. If Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad and Laozi each had their own websites, YouTube channel and weekly podcasts, more would have surely been aware of them and their teachings. More would have recognized the clarity they possessed and their teachings would have become much more widespread much more rapidly. My predictions will end there because with every perceived blessing there are surely equally intense challenges.
Still, I am certain there were many in direct proximity to each of these masters and many other similar ones who simply could not or would not see the brilliant person before them. That phenomenon continues to this day and it, of course, is not limited to the realm of spiritual masters and avatars. Check here to see a modern example of what I am talking about.
This phenomenon is caused by a variety of factors. It may be caused most fundamentally by a simple lack of interest or desire in seeing someone who has the particular gifts of a Jesus of Nazareth or a Laozi. It is certainly caused by an apprehension to or suspicion of many or all things perceived to be religious or spiritual especially if the one embodying these traits goes against the ruling conventions around religion and spirituality and/or they are not yet perceived to be a threat to those conventions. It can also simply be caused by being overly engaged in daily tasks and other secular concerns to the degree that one believes there is no time or perhaps no need to pursue anything else.
It is caused by many other causes.
Now, it is one thing to not be recognized or to remain unseen, in the most common sense of invisibility. It is quite another to be clearly recognized, experienced or even intimately known and to then be actively opposed, sometimes precisely because of the razor sharp wisdom and truth you exhibit. It is this latter type of situation that holds particular interest for me. It interests me in part because I have witnessed this occur in my own lifetime and there have always been fascinating aspects to it all.
Several months ago I watched a conversation between Oprah Winfrey and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle. In this discourse Tolle revealed that one presumed purchaser of his book had been so completely triggered by Tolle’s book, “A New Earth” that the reader took the pains to mail the book back to Tolle directly---however, not until he had shredded it into a thousand pieces and stuffed those pieces into a certified envelope addressed to the author.
Similarly, Richard Abanes, another person who has apparently been strongly triggered by Tolle’s writings and approach, has written an entire book entitled, “A New Earth, An Old Deception: Awakening to the Dangers of Eckhart Tolle's #1 Bestseller.” In press releases for his book Abanes proclaims that the book is an exercise in taking apart Tolle’s book, A New Earth “paragraph by paragraph.”
And finally, in this same vein, there is a serious internet-based organization that seriously labels Ms. Winfrey “the antichrist” because, among other things, she chose to name Tolle’s book, “A New Earth” as a pick for her influential book club.
Tolle’s experience may seem extreme. It is not. Consider the experience of the gentle Zen Master and Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, who in 1967 was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King, Jr. He so triggered the Vietnamese government that he was exiled from there, his native land, for more than 30 years. Why? Essentially for teaching non-violence and engaged Buddhism, an expression of Buddhist practice that strives to use the insights from meditation practice and mindfulness to effect positive change in the areas of social, political, environmental and economic injustice.
Of course Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh are just two people, two spiritual masters and they are each very well known. Otherwise they are unremarkable and no different from anyone else.
Obviously there are many more such spiritual masters in the world. Some are completely unknown at least for their spiritual mastery. They are some of the nameless sources of wisdom and Light that coexist among us in every realm and every aspect of our earthly existence. They are suburban housewives; custodians; cubicle neighbors at our places of work; store clerks; CEO’s; members of the world’s armed forces; and high school teachers, just to name a very limited few. Many would be quite amazed at the places where true spiritual masters may be found in our contemporary world. Their platforms and unassuming manner of delivering their wisdom would also amaze if it were revealed.
Why is it then, when the light of the sun is so easily visible from light years away here on earth, that we can so easily not see or especially seek to dim or even extinguish the Light of certain human Suns that shine just as or perhaps even more brightly all around us? Again, there are so many reasons: Jealousy, envy, doubt, judgment, fear, apathy, blindness. The list could become quite lengthy. I however, believe there is one primary reason.
When someone is in denial or some state of dis-ease about his or her own innate divinity, it is then astoundingly easy to come up with a myriad of ways and excuses for denying that same beautiful innate divinity in another. And then if one has even a spark of malice or spiritual or psychological immaturity in them, some drama will then inevitably ensue. And this drama can become all kinds of things up to and including the murder, rape, persecution of someone or the genocide of a group who is believed to be "evil" "bad" "worthless" etc.
But then there is that wonderful thing we have in our experience of Life which we commonly refer to as "grace." And grace is a very beautiful lover to be kissed by. So someone may be engaged in even the persecution of someone or some group for years and some other spark may be ignited and they will see the insanity they have created and then a deeper form of consciousness can be birthed.
© Raven/Sage Mahosadha
Friday, December 31, 2010
A Teaching on Abuse
I want to begin this by stating I am a biological male. Some people
will read this and not automatically be aware of that fact because this
is going to go out into a wide network. It feels important to state my
physical maleness.
Further, I have never been sexually abused. When I was 19 a friend who was also a catholic priest and someone who had a certain amount of real power over me at that time, attempted to rape me. It did not get very far at all. I don't believe I suffered any real trauma from this incident. He was not a very good perpetrator, I believe, because he suspected I would not be easy prey. He was right. This was a serious act on his part. But I also recognized that he really did not have the requisite pathology nor physical strength to pull this off with me. I fear other younger and less rebellious and less self actualized males were not as fortunate as I.
I also have never been physically abused. Over the course of my professional career as a psychotherapist I became an expert in the area of gay and lesbian couples domestic violence. This is a part of the domestic violence world many do not seem to have a good amount of knowledge about. It is very real and pervasive. I count myself as blessed to have never experienced physical violence in a romantic relationship nor in any other scenario.
I believe I have suffered a significant amount of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse over the years. I helped to create and run a domestic violence program in rural Kentucky when I was first starting out as a therapist. I learned some incredible life lessons during my involvement with that program and all the ancillary programs I needed to avail myself to as part of providing excellent service to those who were in the program I helped to run.
One thing those who like me quickly learned when working in the area of domestic violence is that many of those who are brutally and physically abused in romantic relationships are simultaneously emotionally and psychologically abused in those same relationships. And when those people are asked which form of abuse is the worst, the lions share of people will say the emotional abuse is the worst. They will often conclude by saying these immortal words, "at least with the physical abuse, the scars will heal."
I first became acquainted with emotional and psychological abuse as a result of living with an alcoholic mother from my earliest memory. There were other adults in the household who would often and successfully shield me from any abusive behavior from my mother. And there was very little. It mostly consisted of her saying somewhat mean things every very great while. Once I got older and was involved in many extracurricular activities at school it manifested itself mostly by my mother forgetting to come and pick me up after a band rehearsal or drama club practice; events where I was often sitting alone outside the school building for three hours or more waiting to get picked up. I would end up telling friends (when I was in high school and when offered rides) that my ride was coming, because of being too embarrassed to admit that ride was my mother and she was probably on a bender and that's why I was still there.
In this same household I also had the unfortunate and perhaps unusual experience of having another adult in the house who was jealous of my relationship and closeness with my grandfather. This was largely my memory of my experience of living in a household with my maternal grandparents until the age of 18. It was the thing I talked exhaustively about to my spiritual directors in the seminary and it is what eventually led me to conventional psychotherapy when I was in my early 30's.
Finally, about a year before my grandmother's death in 2000, when I was 39 years old, I confronted her with 30 plus years of anger, rage and confusion around living with her emotional and psychological abuse of me while growing up. At this point she was a woman in her 80's with Alzheimers. She was not in a completely demented state at this point and in fact she never quite reached that state before her death. She was still quite sharp. And it would not have mattered to me if she had not been. What needed to be said, needed to be said. At first she did not want to listen. It is the only time I can remember in my entire life raising my voice to my grandmother, demanding that she sit her ass down and listen to me. She listened. I spoke. It was truly a life changing event. All those years of suspecting what was to me experienced as the absolute most bizarre and insane thing imaginable---that she simply could not stand the fact that me and her husband, my grandfather, were so close, was validated. She admitted everything. She also admitted to having a difficult time loving me because I reminded her so much of my biological father, whom she despised. During the talk we each cried profusely. It was one of the most healing moments I have ever had in my entire life. By the time my grandmother died, we were at great peace. All had been forgiven. Hallelujah!
One unfortunate thing however, that sprung from all those years of being emotionally and psychologically abused, was the devastating blow to my self esteem. That resulted in my going through life waving a larger than life and multi -hued florescent even-- flag, that spoke to the world, "Come to me. Come to me all of you with such woundedness that you need to project onto another; that you need to be mean to another. Come to me...and I will give you rest. I will give you much needed succor."
And so a veritable parade of supervisors, boyfriends, faux friends, biker club brothers and sisters, strangers in every type service industry imaginable, beat an absolute path to my person, answering that megaphoned call.
And Raven the victim was created. Doctor Frankenstein himself could not have created a more perfect specimen for the task he was created for.
So I began a chapter of unconscious and victim inspired living somewhere in my childhood that lasted until I was 48 years old. So what happened when I was 48? When I was 48, Hallelujah-- I experienced the big Trifecta, the Triple Crown, The Father, Son and Holy Spirit Trinity of calls to awakening. I experienced, in the course of 8 short months, the absolute rejection and betrayal of a group of people I had called my brothers and sisters in a motorcycle club I had founded. I also experienced the dramatic, mean spirited and seemingly heartless rejection of my boyfriend at the time. And I was unceremoniously laid off from my well paying job. The layoff, to some degree, was done in a very thoughtless, racist and corporate world type of way by not my corporate employer but by my doing very good work in the community but not truly knowing how to treat its employees non profit in San Francisco.
I honestly do not know what kept me from considering suicide. I believe one can be too blindsided by things to even consider suicide. But as has been the case for so many for time immemorial, the experience of my greatest pain brought forth in me my greatest invitation to awaken. And so gradually and then in speeded up fashion, I began to awake from a more than 40 year slumber.
One of the first things to disappear was my victim identity, even though the clarion call for people to come into my life who were abusive to me did not seem to dampen in the slightest. The call was still there apparently. The response was still there apparently. What was no longer there was the identity.
Ho’oponopono practice: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
I learned of this practice shortly after experiencing the Holy Trinity. I had studied various teachings on nonduality years before this discovery. It was this discovery however, that made it all come to life for me. Anyone...anyone I perceived as wronging me in any way was met either verbally or in spirit with: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. Such simple words. Such tremendous transformation. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
In these few years, as a result of some things that are known to me and other things that are not known to me, I have learned something curious about abuse. Here it is: I can appear, from all appearances, to be be on the receiving end of significant abuse (verbal/emotional/psychological) in my life and in some of my relationships and not feel abused at all. To that end there are some things I am certain of: I don't create defining stories about myself. I do not create defining stories about the other who could be perceived as being abusive towards me. I am not in denial about what is happening. It is not my attempt at being nice that keeps me from feeling abused. I am not nice in that way. I am not codependent. I don't minimize what's happening.
I am.
I have not labeled myself a victim anymore. I have not labeled the others as perpetrators of abuse or "people who are abusive to me." I have experienced what the world would label as abuse simply as something that is in that moment and have resisted any desire to add additional labels to it. I do my Ho’oponopono practice (I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you ). I practice this silently and continuously while I am experiencing what would be considered abuse. I engage in other helpful and beneficial practices as well. I also practice metta and tonglen, both from the Buddhist canon. I do reiki work on myself and these others. Ho’oponopono is believed to be from Hawai'i, from the Huna tradition. I engage in other practices still. The Ho'oponopono practice however, forms the energetic foundation of all the practices. I am also completely open to needing to remove myself from a physical relationship with someone if I am guided in that action. In such a case, I continue to do all these practices from afar.
I honor the abuse you have experienced in this life. I honor the non-abuse you have experienced. I honor you not knowing whether or not you have experienced any real abuse in this life. I honor the victimization you have experienced whether it be real or imagined. I realize that at the end of the day that distinction becomes immaterial. I respect any unique journey you may have that is related to all or any of this. I am not saying that you can or that you should now or eventually have the same experience as mine with regard to these matters. I do understand violence. I do understand victimization. I understand it all. I do not write this in judgment. I do not write this in ignorance. I wrote it in authenticity and openness.
I believe what I ultimately am doing here is trying to talk about what most call abuse and all the related topics on a different level from the levels these discussions usually take place on. I understand what I am saying may be viewed as controversial. I understand I may be viewed as minimizing or being insensitive or that my words may be interpreted as the mad ramblings of someone completely lost in the netherworld of codependency or lost in the sugary sweet land of sugar coated bliss and/or with an additional case of terminal niceness. It is OK to believe that. It is all Ok. I am OK with some not getting what I'm talking about here.
I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
© Raven/Sage Mahosadha
Further, I have never been sexually abused. When I was 19 a friend who was also a catholic priest and someone who had a certain amount of real power over me at that time, attempted to rape me. It did not get very far at all. I don't believe I suffered any real trauma from this incident. He was not a very good perpetrator, I believe, because he suspected I would not be easy prey. He was right. This was a serious act on his part. But I also recognized that he really did not have the requisite pathology nor physical strength to pull this off with me. I fear other younger and less rebellious and less self actualized males were not as fortunate as I.
I also have never been physically abused. Over the course of my professional career as a psychotherapist I became an expert in the area of gay and lesbian couples domestic violence. This is a part of the domestic violence world many do not seem to have a good amount of knowledge about. It is very real and pervasive. I count myself as blessed to have never experienced physical violence in a romantic relationship nor in any other scenario.
I believe I have suffered a significant amount of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse over the years. I helped to create and run a domestic violence program in rural Kentucky when I was first starting out as a therapist. I learned some incredible life lessons during my involvement with that program and all the ancillary programs I needed to avail myself to as part of providing excellent service to those who were in the program I helped to run.
One thing those who like me quickly learned when working in the area of domestic violence is that many of those who are brutally and physically abused in romantic relationships are simultaneously emotionally and psychologically abused in those same relationships. And when those people are asked which form of abuse is the worst, the lions share of people will say the emotional abuse is the worst. They will often conclude by saying these immortal words, "at least with the physical abuse, the scars will heal."
I first became acquainted with emotional and psychological abuse as a result of living with an alcoholic mother from my earliest memory. There were other adults in the household who would often and successfully shield me from any abusive behavior from my mother. And there was very little. It mostly consisted of her saying somewhat mean things every very great while. Once I got older and was involved in many extracurricular activities at school it manifested itself mostly by my mother forgetting to come and pick me up after a band rehearsal or drama club practice; events where I was often sitting alone outside the school building for three hours or more waiting to get picked up. I would end up telling friends (when I was in high school and when offered rides) that my ride was coming, because of being too embarrassed to admit that ride was my mother and she was probably on a bender and that's why I was still there.
In this same household I also had the unfortunate and perhaps unusual experience of having another adult in the house who was jealous of my relationship and closeness with my grandfather. This was largely my memory of my experience of living in a household with my maternal grandparents until the age of 18. It was the thing I talked exhaustively about to my spiritual directors in the seminary and it is what eventually led me to conventional psychotherapy when I was in my early 30's.
Finally, about a year before my grandmother's death in 2000, when I was 39 years old, I confronted her with 30 plus years of anger, rage and confusion around living with her emotional and psychological abuse of me while growing up. At this point she was a woman in her 80's with Alzheimers. She was not in a completely demented state at this point and in fact she never quite reached that state before her death. She was still quite sharp. And it would not have mattered to me if she had not been. What needed to be said, needed to be said. At first she did not want to listen. It is the only time I can remember in my entire life raising my voice to my grandmother, demanding that she sit her ass down and listen to me. She listened. I spoke. It was truly a life changing event. All those years of suspecting what was to me experienced as the absolute most bizarre and insane thing imaginable---that she simply could not stand the fact that me and her husband, my grandfather, were so close, was validated. She admitted everything. She also admitted to having a difficult time loving me because I reminded her so much of my biological father, whom she despised. During the talk we each cried profusely. It was one of the most healing moments I have ever had in my entire life. By the time my grandmother died, we were at great peace. All had been forgiven. Hallelujah!
One unfortunate thing however, that sprung from all those years of being emotionally and psychologically abused, was the devastating blow to my self esteem. That resulted in my going through life waving a larger than life and multi -hued florescent even-- flag, that spoke to the world, "Come to me. Come to me all of you with such woundedness that you need to project onto another; that you need to be mean to another. Come to me...and I will give you rest. I will give you much needed succor."
And so a veritable parade of supervisors, boyfriends, faux friends, biker club brothers and sisters, strangers in every type service industry imaginable, beat an absolute path to my person, answering that megaphoned call.
And Raven the victim was created. Doctor Frankenstein himself could not have created a more perfect specimen for the task he was created for.
So I began a chapter of unconscious and victim inspired living somewhere in my childhood that lasted until I was 48 years old. So what happened when I was 48? When I was 48, Hallelujah-- I experienced the big Trifecta, the Triple Crown, The Father, Son and Holy Spirit Trinity of calls to awakening. I experienced, in the course of 8 short months, the absolute rejection and betrayal of a group of people I had called my brothers and sisters in a motorcycle club I had founded. I also experienced the dramatic, mean spirited and seemingly heartless rejection of my boyfriend at the time. And I was unceremoniously laid off from my well paying job. The layoff, to some degree, was done in a very thoughtless, racist and corporate world type of way by not my corporate employer but by my doing very good work in the community but not truly knowing how to treat its employees non profit in San Francisco.
I honestly do not know what kept me from considering suicide. I believe one can be too blindsided by things to even consider suicide. But as has been the case for so many for time immemorial, the experience of my greatest pain brought forth in me my greatest invitation to awaken. And so gradually and then in speeded up fashion, I began to awake from a more than 40 year slumber.
One of the first things to disappear was my victim identity, even though the clarion call for people to come into my life who were abusive to me did not seem to dampen in the slightest. The call was still there apparently. The response was still there apparently. What was no longer there was the identity.
Ho’oponopono practice: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
I learned of this practice shortly after experiencing the Holy Trinity. I had studied various teachings on nonduality years before this discovery. It was this discovery however, that made it all come to life for me. Anyone...anyone I perceived as wronging me in any way was met either verbally or in spirit with: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. Such simple words. Such tremendous transformation. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
In these few years, as a result of some things that are known to me and other things that are not known to me, I have learned something curious about abuse. Here it is: I can appear, from all appearances, to be be on the receiving end of significant abuse (verbal/emotional/psychological) in my life and in some of my relationships and not feel abused at all. To that end there are some things I am certain of: I don't create defining stories about myself. I do not create defining stories about the other who could be perceived as being abusive towards me. I am not in denial about what is happening. It is not my attempt at being nice that keeps me from feeling abused. I am not nice in that way. I am not codependent. I don't minimize what's happening.
I am.
I have not labeled myself a victim anymore. I have not labeled the others as perpetrators of abuse or "people who are abusive to me." I have experienced what the world would label as abuse simply as something that is in that moment and have resisted any desire to add additional labels to it. I do my Ho’oponopono practice (I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you ). I practice this silently and continuously while I am experiencing what would be considered abuse. I engage in other helpful and beneficial practices as well. I also practice metta and tonglen, both from the Buddhist canon. I do reiki work on myself and these others. Ho’oponopono is believed to be from Hawai'i, from the Huna tradition. I engage in other practices still. The Ho'oponopono practice however, forms the energetic foundation of all the practices. I am also completely open to needing to remove myself from a physical relationship with someone if I am guided in that action. In such a case, I continue to do all these practices from afar.
I honor the abuse you have experienced in this life. I honor the non-abuse you have experienced. I honor you not knowing whether or not you have experienced any real abuse in this life. I honor the victimization you have experienced whether it be real or imagined. I realize that at the end of the day that distinction becomes immaterial. I respect any unique journey you may have that is related to all or any of this. I am not saying that you can or that you should now or eventually have the same experience as mine with regard to these matters. I do understand violence. I do understand victimization. I understand it all. I do not write this in judgment. I do not write this in ignorance. I wrote it in authenticity and openness.
I believe what I ultimately am doing here is trying to talk about what most call abuse and all the related topics on a different level from the levels these discussions usually take place on. I understand what I am saying may be viewed as controversial. I understand I may be viewed as minimizing or being insensitive or that my words may be interpreted as the mad ramblings of someone completely lost in the netherworld of codependency or lost in the sugary sweet land of sugar coated bliss and/or with an additional case of terminal niceness. It is OK to believe that. It is all Ok. I am OK with some not getting what I'm talking about here.
I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
© Raven/Sage Mahosadha
When you learn, teach...
"When you get, give. When you learn, teach."
Maya AngelouThat quote from Maya Angelou has just jumped out to me and confiscated my full attention from the very moment I first heard it, which was yesterday.
The first sentence is such a beautiful and simple call to action, to paying it forward. It is such a basic key to understanding the deepest meaning behind the interchange between giving and receiving. It however, is that second sentence that grabbed me by the balls and eyeballs and said, "Listen!" Hallelujah!
When you learn, teach. Oh my God...
The quote doesn't say when the world thinks you have learned or when your friends think you have learned or when your teacher thinks you have learned then teach. It says when you learn, teach. I keep repeating that because I just want to hear those words over and over and I want you to hear them over and over too.
How many of us believe we have not learned enough to teach? I use to believe that. I don't believe that anymore. Hallelujah! And I am going to teach right now...
You have learned and now you must teach. You have learned and now you must teach. You have learned and now you must teach.
Now, I am so sorry if any of you reading this believe you have nothing to teach or that you don't know enough to teach well or flawlessly or without your teachers permission. I am sorry if you believe you are too wounded or too imperfect or too stupid or too Black or too gay or too female or too riddled by the guilt of being sexually abused or whatever we may tell ourselves invalidates our teaching. I tell you, it is a lie. Who says we have to be perfect to teach? Who says we have to have the elegant and charismatic speaking ability of a Martin Luther king, Jr. or the brilliance of an Albert Einstein to teach? I'll tell you who says that. We do. And we are also parroting the messages and the consciousness of people who are not ready for our own unique brand of brilliance. And they are wrong. And it is a lie. Damn all of that to the lowest, deepest hell realm that any religion on the planet has ever made up for us. You know, I think I just realized the true meaning of all of those hells. It is where we are supposed to put all the bullshit people tell us our whole lives so that we can finally be Free. And all those messages can eternally burn, never to see the light of day again. Yes. Hell is a place of Freedom! Why did the Catholic church have to go screw with a good thing and create purgatory. No. I want hell and only hells. Damn those messages of inadequacy to hell!!!
Arrogant
Conceited
Egoic
Self- aggrandizing
Self- infatuated
Horn tootin'
Ignorant, unlearned, stupid no good BASTARD!
O Lord have Mercy! We have so many ways of telling ourselves and telling each other, that we have nothing or little to teach. So many ways of telling ourselves and others to SHUT THE FUCK UP already!
How does one go through this life without having nothing...nothing...nothing to teach? Its not possible.
We don't need to go to Las Vegas to see a magic show to see something "impossible." We don't have to travel to see the latest bagel with the face of Jesus miraculously etched on it to see something impossible. We have the impossible right here with us everyday, each and every one of us. It is impossible to go any distance in life without learning something that we can in turn teach another.That is our daily impossibility staring us right in the face, smiling like an overweight Cheshire Cat.
Maybe we are a tad premature in our thinking that we have learned enough of certain lessons to be able to teach about them. Ok, that does happen. And you know what? It doesn't matter. It does not matter I tell you. Those who have learned more about that thing will enter our lives and they will teach us more...or they won't or we won't listen when they do show up...and it doesn't matter. In the meantime we teach what we have learned. Someone will benefit. Hallelujah! We're learning every second of every day. We teach what we have learned today--today. We teach what we learn tomorrow--tomorrow. And tomorrow will take care of itself.
Teach. Teach. Teach.
We live in a world that needs all the teaching, all the wisdom, all the conscious awareness it can get. Do not withhold. Do not be intimidated. As we move into a New Year, please God, please Goddess, Please Allah, please Shakyamuni, please Hindu pantheon, please Mother Earth and Sky Father and the chorus of Angels...give us the strength and the confidence and the courage to teach what we have learned to a world that is thirsty...absolutely thirsty I tell you and hungry for those teachings. Hallelujah!Blessed Be!
sage mahosadha
12.31.2010
© Raven/Sage Mahosadha
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wisdom and Beauty from an Unknown Source (Re-post)
When I was 5 years old my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. --Unknown
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Peacemaking Circles
Peacemaking Circles: A process for solving problems and building community
The peacemaking circle is a process that brings together individuals who wish to engage in conflict resolution, healing, support, decision making or other activities in which honest communications, relationship development, and community building are core desired outcomes.
"Circles" offer an alternative to contemporary meeting processes that often rely on hierarchy,
win-lose positioning, and victim/rescuer approaches to relationships and problem solving.
Derived from aboriginal and native traditions, circles bring
people together in a way that creates trust, respect, intimacy,
good will, belonging, generosity, mutuality and reciprocity.
The process is never about "changing others", but rather is an
invitation to change oneself and one’s relationship with the
community.
Circles intentionally create a sacred space that lifts barriers
between people, opening fresh possibilities for connection,
collaboration and mutual understanding. The process works
because it brings people together in a way that allows them to
see one another as human beings and to talk about what matters.
Circles can be understood in terms of the values and principles upon which they operate, and the
structures they use to support these values and principles.
Values and Principles- Though each circle develops its own values and principles, all
peacemaking circles generally:
1. are designed by those who use them
2. are guided by a shared vision
3. call participants to act on their personal values
4. include all interests, and are accessible to all
5. offer everyone an equal, and voluntary, opportunity to participate
6. take a holistic approach, including the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual
7. maintain respect for all
8. encourage exploring instead of conquering differences
9. invite accountability to others and to the process
Structure- Circles provide effective support to groups seeking to stay on course with the values
and principles they have established for their circle.
The circle process is "simple but not easy," and must be experienced to be fully grasped and
replicated. There is an intangible quality to circles that must be experienced to be understood.
However, there are some key structures that help to define the circle.
1. The meeting space is the most visible structure. Participants are seated in a circle focusing on
the center where symbolic objects may be placed to remind participants of values shared among those in the circle.
2. A talking piece is used as a way to ensure respect between speakers and listeners. The
talking piece is passed from person to person within the circle and only the person holding
the piece may speak.
3. Two "keepers" of the circle have been identified. The
keepers guide the participants and keep the circle as a safe
space. While it is possible to have only one keeper,
generally a team of two is preferable.
4. Ceremony and ritual are used to create safety and form.
5. Consensus decision making honors the values and
principles of peacemaking circles and helps participants
to stay grounded in them.
Benefits of Circles- Circles strengthen relationships and build community. They do so
through the process they use to deal with specific issues around which a peacemaking circle
might be called. As they experience circles, participants begin to develop the physical, mental,
emotional and spiritual habits of peacemaking. The circle process helps to shift old patterns in
how individuals and communities interact, a shift that over time becomes reflected in interactions
outside the circle. Circles:
1. build relationships
2. foster open dialogue
3. encourage values-based action
4. provide a space to acknowledge
responsibility
5. facilitate innovative problem-solving
6. address the deeper causes of conflict
7. empower participants and communities
8. break through isolation
9. bring healing and transformation
When to Use Peacemaking Circles-There are different reasons for bringing people together,
and so circles are used for different purposes. Circles may be called for conflict, talking, healing,
brainstorming and management, court-related issues, art, support, and family issues. Circles are
appropriate in business, family, judicial, social service, artistic and other settings.
Circles are effective in any group settings in which there is a desire for:
1. Healing rather than coercion
2. Individual and collective accountability rather than only
individual accountability
3. Democratic, egalitarian and spiritual values
4. Focusing on the commonalities, instead of the differences,
between people
5. Building community
6. Individual and collective change and transformation
The peacemaking circle is a process that brings together individuals who wish to engage in conflict resolution, healing, support, decision making or other activities in which honest communications, relationship development, and community building are core desired outcomes.
"Circles" offer an alternative to contemporary meeting processes that often rely on hierarchy,
win-lose positioning, and victim/rescuer approaches to relationships and problem solving.
Derived from aboriginal and native traditions, circles bring
people together in a way that creates trust, respect, intimacy,
good will, belonging, generosity, mutuality and reciprocity.
The process is never about "changing others", but rather is an
invitation to change oneself and one’s relationship with the
community.
Circles intentionally create a sacred space that lifts barriers
between people, opening fresh possibilities for connection,
collaboration and mutual understanding. The process works
because it brings people together in a way that allows them to
see one another as human beings and to talk about what matters.
Circles can be understood in terms of the values and principles upon which they operate, and the
structures they use to support these values and principles.
Values and Principles- Though each circle develops its own values and principles, all
peacemaking circles generally:
1. are designed by those who use them
2. are guided by a shared vision
3. call participants to act on their personal values
4. include all interests, and are accessible to all
5. offer everyone an equal, and voluntary, opportunity to participate
6. take a holistic approach, including the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual
7. maintain respect for all
8. encourage exploring instead of conquering differences
9. invite accountability to others and to the process
Structure- Circles provide effective support to groups seeking to stay on course with the values
and principles they have established for their circle.
The circle process is "simple but not easy," and must be experienced to be fully grasped and
replicated. There is an intangible quality to circles that must be experienced to be understood.
However, there are some key structures that help to define the circle.
1. The meeting space is the most visible structure. Participants are seated in a circle focusing on
the center where symbolic objects may be placed to remind participants of values shared among those in the circle.
2. A talking piece is used as a way to ensure respect between speakers and listeners. The
talking piece is passed from person to person within the circle and only the person holding
the piece may speak.
3. Two "keepers" of the circle have been identified. The
keepers guide the participants and keep the circle as a safe
space. While it is possible to have only one keeper,
generally a team of two is preferable.
4. Ceremony and ritual are used to create safety and form.
5. Consensus decision making honors the values and
principles of peacemaking circles and helps participants
to stay grounded in them.
Benefits of Circles- Circles strengthen relationships and build community. They do so
through the process they use to deal with specific issues around which a peacemaking circle
might be called. As they experience circles, participants begin to develop the physical, mental,
emotional and spiritual habits of peacemaking. The circle process helps to shift old patterns in
how individuals and communities interact, a shift that over time becomes reflected in interactions
outside the circle. Circles:
1. build relationships
2. foster open dialogue
3. encourage values-based action
4. provide a space to acknowledge
responsibility
5. facilitate innovative problem-solving
6. address the deeper causes of conflict
7. empower participants and communities
8. break through isolation
9. bring healing and transformation
When to Use Peacemaking Circles-There are different reasons for bringing people together,
and so circles are used for different purposes. Circles may be called for conflict, talking, healing,
brainstorming and management, court-related issues, art, support, and family issues. Circles are
appropriate in business, family, judicial, social service, artistic and other settings.
Circles are effective in any group settings in which there is a desire for:
1. Healing rather than coercion
2. Individual and collective accountability rather than only
individual accountability
3. Democratic, egalitarian and spiritual values
4. Focusing on the commonalities, instead of the differences,
between people
5. Building community
6. Individual and collective change and transformation
Sources: Carolyn Boyes-Watson, Suffolk College; Jon Prichard, University of Maine; Pranis, K., Barry
Stuart and Mark Wedge, 2003, Peacemaking Circles, From Crime to Community, Living Justice Press.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Today
It is no secret that those who possess a high degree of personal freedom and a high degree of self confidence are likely to be threatening to many. The larger secret is how to become inspired by such people rather than being threatened by them.
sage mahosadha
sage mahosadha
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Here I Am
"There comes a time in most healers, visionaries and teachers lives where we are just filled with love and the power of surrender and we proclaim, "Use me God (whatever that word means to us), I am here to do whatever your will is." There is another, less publicized experience that is ever so slightly different. Here we say, "I know exactly what I am to do, just give me strength to do it, O Lord."
sage mahosadha
sage mahosadha
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